Lost Lake

We got to do lots of fun things while we were in Oregon, Lost Lake being one of them.  I love Lost Lake, it's always been one of my favorite places, although it has definitely become more popular since I moved away and can be really crowded.  But we got there early before too many people showed up and got a great spot with the kids right on the Lake, with a little beach area.

Izzy and Nanny

The view - aaaahhhh.  Wish there were views like that here in Az.  Isaac says he likes the wide, open spaces (and he's never heard the song either), but I like trees, snow capped mountains and lakes and rivers.

And so does this little boy, who wasn't afraid to jump in the cold water and have lots of fun.

Fun in Oregon

We're here. . .

We've been in Sierra Vista 2 weeks now and it's going. . . slowly.  Honestly, many things seemed to have turned out for the worst since we got here.  We lost our insurance and since Isaac's job is a temp to hire, the first 6 months the insurance plan is awful.  I sure miss the days when insurance plans weren't something that I worried about on the daily basis.  We still don't have all of Isabelle's therapies set up and are on waiting lists in Tuscon.  Her therapists that we have started seeing here are ok, but not as amazing as many of the therapists we worked with in Mesa.  Part of the problem being that there really isn't a choice who you see  here - there is one OT in town.  So it's her or a drive to Tuscon, which we'll already be doing for PT, Speech and Feeding therapy.  

Our new house is bigger, which is nice (so nice to not have Isabelle sleeping in the corner of our bedroom anymore!), but definatly designed by a man. Our first apartment as newlyweds was 800 sq feet.  This one is twice that size and the kitchen is even smaller than our first apt, which makes cooking a pain.  And, since Isaac is no longer working the 3-midnight shift anymore, I'm cooking again.  It also has more square feet than our last apartment, but less cupboard, closet and storage space than our last apartment - at least 75% less than what we used to have, which is hard to unpack.  Basically our house is just large, empty rooms.

One thing I've always wanted was a backyard to put up my hammock and we finally have a yard!  It isn't my dream backyard (for some reason, no one in Sierra Vista plants grass - they all just have dirt backyards.  When Isaac told me about SV, he said it was so green.  What he should have said was, 'its greener than Mesa'.  Oregon is green - so green that even if you didn't want to grow grass in your yard, it would grow anyway.  You couldn't stop it if you wanted too.  That's green.), I've loved having the hammock up and Eli loves swinging in it with me.

 Another plus, is that it is cool enough in the mornings and evenings to go on walks and bike rides.  We  couldn't do that in Mesa right now (I'm trying really hard to look on the bright side with this move, I swear). 

 The kids miss their friends and family.  Eli asks about MeMaw, Hannah and Kamrynn all the time and wants to know why they don't come to his new house.  We went to the park and he practically attacked the other kids there, he was so excited to see possible new friends.  He keeps asking, "I go to Primary.  I find friends?"  Sadly, I've felt the same way and it's been pretty lonely the last few weeks.

 This picture is from our last week in Mesa. Eli plays himself to sleep quite often  during nap and bedtimes. This is where I found him asleep in his bedrooms.  

 Isabelle has been doing great and since there is more space, she's started to crawl more, trying to find us if we're not in the room. The first few days she was crawling a ton, because there were boxes everywhere and it was hard to roll around them, which has been her primary mode of transportation.  As the number of boxes started becoming smaller (we're down to just 1!) she started rolling more again. But she is still crawling more than before and his doing spurts of 4-5 little steps (steps?  What do you call crawling?  Crawls?) at a time.  Then her arms generally give out and she faceplants, but she's getting stronger!

 That's what's new!  We're leaving to Oregon on the 23rd for 2 weeks and then we'll be spending a lot of July and Aug going back and forth to Mesa for Isabelle's appointments.  We have everything scheduled for the last week of July, but I'm pretty sure her eye doctor is going to want to do a second surgery on her eyes, which means we'd be back at Phoenix Children's.  Hopefully soon we'll be able to get into specialists in Tuscon.  Right now everything is a little touchy with our new insurance and we're hoping that since Isabelle is covered also by Arizona's Long Term Care, that we wont have a hard time finding doctors who will take her.  

A Post Dedicated Entirely to Eli

The month of May was insane for me with Isaac being gone, cramming in appointments for Isabelle, packing and trying to attend all the end of the year activities for Eli's preschool.  There were a few different school parties and a preschool graduation, which seemed like a little much, but was really cute (even though 1/2 of the class wasn't graduating and would be in preschool again the next year).  Here's a class pictures (or some of the class anyway).  Eli's class had 10 boys and 1 girl.  Poor girl.

 Pictures from graduation.  The tie dye shirts are in the school colors of his school - Greenfield Elementary.

 The end of the year water party - none of the kids could figure out the slip n slide at first - it didn't help that there was no hill.

I love this picture.  He looks so innocent and sweet.  This was the actual ceremony.

 Eli as the Greenfield Gator - the school mascot.

I'm so grateful for Sarah, Isabelle's respite worker in Mesa.  I couldn't have gone to all these things without her.  She put in a ton of overtime my  last 3 weeks and was basically working 8 hour days with us, while I was trying to be a single mom for a while.  We're looking for new respite care here in Sierra Vista, but I'm doubting we'll find anyone as great as Sarah.  

Eli had so much fun at all the school activities and is still missing school like crazy.  He always asks me if he can go to school.  His bus driver said she has never seen a kid who loved riding the bus as much as Eli, which is true!  He would bounce off the walls with excitement when he saw the bus coming.  Summers only been here 2 weeks, but I'm already missing preschool!

It Could Be Worse

This is our last week in Mesa and between trying to pack up our house by myself, attend Eli's last week of preschool activities, I'm cramming in as many doctors appointments and therapy visits for Isabelle as I possibly can.  We met with the orthopedic doctor this week and Isabelle will need to get leg braces to stabilize her footing.  She has hypotonia, which is basically low muscle tone and as a result she bends in ways that she really shouldn't and that most peoples bodies would naturally resist.  That makes it hard for her to get her footing and support her weight when she wants to stand - not that she's standing yet.  So she'll get special braces that go around her feet and up her calf.  As she gets older, they will get shorter and eventually end at either her ankles or just be special shoes.
It was just one more discouraging thing to hear in a busy, stressful week and I left the appointment feeling sad.  Sometimes it's hard not to look around and the kids of my friends and family and just want to cry.  I see babies the same age as Isabelle running, putting words together, doing so many things that seem so far in the future for us.  I miss having milestones just happen on their own, not having them happen months later than they should, after hours and hours of therapy.  Sometimes its just hard and all I want is a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen.  Which is why I sometimes feel annoyed and frustrated when I share a worry or problem about Isabelle and I have to listen to: "It could be worse", or "my friend's kid had that happen and it's no big deal.  Happens to everyone".  Because I know it could be worse.  I spend every week in and out of therapy offices and doctors offices and the children's hospital.  I see worse all the time.  And it doesn't happen to everyone.  It is a big deal and its hard.  I constantly have to readjust my dreams for Isabelle's future and try not to get my hopes up.  I constantly have the doctors "worst case scenario" in my head, always making me wonder what will be possible for my daughter.  I envy friends and family who have healthy children and the whole world seems possible for them.  I remember when it was just Eli and my big worry was ear infections or the flu.  Now it's checking for sores that appear from the leg braces, the cost of orthodics for the rest of her life and the fact that having these bulky braces on her legs will make it even harder to crawl - which she isn't really doing yet - on top of all the other worries that were already there.  Worrying about just the flu or a cold seems like a gift these days.  I don't know what will be possible for Isabelle, I have no idea what her future will be like and sometimes, when we hit another set back, no matter how small it may appear, it just feels hard.  And I don't want to hear "it could be worse."  Sometimes all you really want is just want someone to listen and tell you, "it will be OK".
So we're getting leg braces and today, it's just hard.